The last few years I have realized how bad a job I have done at creating a safe place for my husband to share. I was reminded the other day when I slipped back into my old pattern of reading way to much into my husband’s comments.
I have this amazing husband that loves to teach Sunday School to young kids. After class on Saturday night, as we were walking out to the car, he said, ” You know, I could teach Sunday school every week.” My immediate reaction was, “Don’t you ever want to sit with me during church?”
My poor husband found himself back pedaling trying to explain that of course he liked sitting with me in church. All he was really trying to say was that he loves teaching kids. But through my filter of insecurity, I immediately questioned whether he loved me.
I am embarrassed to say that just a few years ago, because I was often overly sensitive to my husband’s comments, he essentially stopped talking to me.
I would pester him to share more and sometimes even ask him questions about past girlfriends – all the time looking for any slight indication that he didn’t really love me. When I became sensitive or upset, he would shut down, in fear that he would say something else wrong. Meanwhile, I got more upset or angry as I decided his silence was him trying to hide.
Sometimes it was me interpreting what he said and sometimes it was me interpreting what he didn’t say. I had my own baggage that put my husband in the position of always having to prove he really chose me and loved me.
Part of my journey has been recognizing past experiences that led to my insecurities and dealing with them. I took responsibility for my own part, extended grace to those that hurt me, and chose to believe that God can heal.
But part of my journey has been simply choosing to trust and believe my husband rather than requiring him to prove that he loves me. My husband has earned my trust and I need to take him at his word. I don’t have to read into every thing that he says or doesn’t say, or even his motivations behind it.
The result is a husband that is beginning to open up and
it means the world to me.