RR Summer Surprise

As summer approaches and the temperatures rise, it’s time to turn up the heat in your marriage bed!  Ironically, this position doesn’t involve a bed at all.  Instead, it creates an opportunity for a wife to surprise her husband with some summer loving.

The Summer Surprise works best in your own backyard or other semi-private outdoor space.  During a summer picnic for two or an evening relaxing on the deck, she can take a simple make-out session to the next level by pre-planning her attire.  She should select a long flowy sundress or skirt, perhaps a tank top or other shirt that allows her to go bra-less, and most importantly, she must just happen to forget her panties.

While her husband is sitting, a wife can straddle his lap and sit facing him. This allows for some great kissing, which can lead to some heavy petting.  As she becomes aroused, he will surely be tantalized by her nipples peeking through her top.

Before things heat up so much that he nudges her to take the action inside, a wife must decide which direction to take. She can lead his hand under her skirt and invite him to manually stimulate her as they continue kissing.  She can also surprise her husband by discreetly unzipping his pants under her skirt.  Then she can manually stimulate him and/or insert his penis for some secret outdoor intercourse while she remains on his lap – and her flowy skirt conceals the action.

The Summer Surprise offers so many options that it must be enjoyed multiple times over the sunny season.  It is sure to create fun memories for both husband and wife to recall when the winter chill arrives.

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Heart to Heart

heart2heartHaving a great sex life requires intention. It doesn’t just happen. We should take great care to get to bed early sometimes so that we have time and energy remaining for an intimate encounter. We would also do well to hold loosely to our expectations for that encounter so that we are open to the blessing of unexpected detours that take us on a different journey of connecting.

Lying in bed, skin to skin and eye to eye, talking to our spouse can be an incredibly intimate experience. Yes, talking! Diving into the depths of being known spiritually and emotionally prepares the waters for us to dive deeper physically. Consider giving your spouse the gift of you by taking a detour and initiating a conversation that stretches you.  Sharing our inner thoughts doesn’t come naturally for most of us, but it connects us in undeniable ways.

We can share where we really are – with respect to our work, parenting, or with God. We can vulnerably share our growth points, our doubts, and our fears. We can courageously share those things that our heart longs to speak and yet shies away in fear, how we see struggles drawing us closer to God and each other, and our hurts that sting every time they cross our mind. When we share how God speaks to us and the things that He has recently shown us – giving our spouse not only the opportunity to know us more deeply, but the opportunity to encourage our growth and affirm the new fruit in our life.  We can share stories of divine encounters – with people, Scripture, creation or a song – that have touched us so deeply that we can’t retell them without tears of joy. We can share stories that lead to whole body laughs.  As we lay there physically naked, eyes locked, we are undressing our innermost being.

An intimate conversation with our spouse refreshes us. It builds security and trust. It leaves us feeling sturdy as we are reminded that we are always loved and accepted. Time seemingly stops as we dive into thoughts and connections that were prepared for that very moment. Heart to heart conversations produce a stillness in us as we feel grounded and glued to our spouse. Once we push past the fear of revealing our self, and choose to ignore the warning sirens of being too vulnerable, there is undeniable peace.  Being fully known by our spouse is the safest place we can be because we are living out God’s design within marriage.  This security then allows us to share our body with new confidence.

Capstone the heart to heart experience with becoming physically one and then drifting to sleep satisfied that you connected to your spouse with all of your being. I think this is the depth of knowing that God intended for marriage even before the fall.  Let’s reclaim His perfect delights. Ultimately, sex is more about the alignment of our hearts than our bodies.

How has knowing your spouse more emotionally and spiritually drawn you to knowing them more physically?


T for Two

TsignMany positions that allow a wife to feel her husband’s power do not allow husband and wife to be face to face.  Yet, there is something about the security, trust and knowing expressed when a wife can look her husband eye to eye as he shares his passion.

The “T” position starts with the wife lying on her back with her bottom on the edge of the bed.  (There is an obvious opportunity for OB/GYN parallels here, but don’t go there unless you want all sex appeal to be lost.)  The husband stands at the edge of the bed and aligns his pelvis with hers. Together, their bodies make a “T” shape.  Pillows and wedges come in handy to prop up her hips if needed or he can stand on a stool or bend his knees to match their heights.

Visually, this position is a winner for husbands.  Not only does he get a view of his wife’s body, but he can also see his manhood in action.  The wife can use her hands to touch her breasts, manually stimulate her clitoris or whatever else may be tantalizing for the duo.  With some simple adjusts, such as him leaning back or switching the angle of her hips, G-spot stimulation is pretty easy to achieve as well.

Since the distance between spouses doesn’t allow for easy kissing, the husband and wife can use their mouths to speak arousing and connecting words.  She can describe his power and what she appreciates about his physique.  He can compliment the unique beauty of her body, suggest what he’d like to see her do with her hands, or describe how it feels to be inside her.

And don’t forget the eyes – the power of this position!  Locked eye contact ensures the undeniable presence of both spouses being fully engaged in every second of the encounter.

It’s important for husbands to consider that some women can feel un-grounded – and thereby distracted and unable to be fully present in the action – if their legs are not secured.  Instead of leaving them dangling, drape her legs over his shoulder, prop her feet flat on his torso with her knees bent, wrap his arms around her knees holding them against his chest or bend her legs around his body so that her feet interlock or rest on his back.

Another great attribute of the “T” position is that spouses can move the action from the edge of bed, to the edge of a table, a counter or other flat surface.  “T” time anyone?


Greeting Your Spouse

melanie-sq-webA visual representation of God’s love for me is a mental picture of His reaction whenever I come to Him.  He smiles and reaches to embrace me.  His greeting is the essence of warmth. No matter the circumstances or where I am emotionally, His unconditional acceptance and delight in my presence is evident. When I think about His loving response, I want to run to Him. I want to share my hopes, celebrate the joys of life, be shielded from my fears, be comforted in my sorrows and just be with Him.  What a welcome place of love My Savior is for me! For anyone who desires Him.

When I take that thought and mesh it with the truth that my marriage relationship is a reflection of my relationship with Christ, then I see a whole new application.  I think husbands and wives are supposed to be an unconditional place of love and acceptance for one another as well.  We are supposed to be each other’s safe place to escape the world and be reminded that we are always loved and delighted in regardless of the events of the day. I think we can convey and reaffirm that truth in a matter of seconds in the way that we greet one another. How would marriages change if husbands and wives intentionally greeted one another in a manner that conveys that they are each other’s great treasure?  Each of us would be built up regularly. Our positive perspective toward one another would be reinforced regardless of life’s circumstances. We would become interruptable, stopping to meaningfully greet one another whether we were in the midst of changing a diaper, carrying in the groceries or running off to work. I think our tanks would be overflowing.  Our kids would notice and feel secured (and possibly embarrassed, but that’s ok).  People would wonder what was going on.

I told my husband that I feel adored when he smiles and embraces me.  I thought it was important for him to know what small effort makes a huge impact on me. Ya know what? Whenever he leave our home, comes home from work, comes in from mowing the yard, or whoever, he makes an effort to find me, smile and embrace me. We momentarily disconnect from the world and reaffirm our love toward one another. It’s a moment of peace, safety and knowing that we are exactly where we belong – together.  Before I can even tell him what happened with the kids or ask him how his day went, we spend a few seconds melting into one and reminding ourselves what a blessing our marriage is. It doesn’t take long, but it speaks volumes. Our perspectives are recalibrated.  Warm feelings are allowed to grow. When we are apart, I remember our greetings and think about how much I love my husband. It’s so simple, yet it impacts everything.

Greeting our spouse is so important that we include a daily 15 second kiss or embrace as one of the homework assignments for the women in our Awaken-Love study. They often comment that they continue to do it even after the class ends because of the wonderful impact it has on their relationship with their husband.

How can you greet your spouse to show them that they are adored and delighted in?  Find out and incorporate it into your day. Let’s bring divine love into our mundane and experience flourishing marriages.

Keep me as the apple of your eye – Psalm 17:8

Intimacy and Sex as a Newlywed

Today’s guest post is by Sharelle Guyton who attended the women’s Awaken-Love study earlier this year. Sharelle shared thoughtful insights during the study and we are excited for you to read her thoughts about being a newlywed.

As a newlywed, I felt myself sort of fumbling through the principle of frequency. We are instructed to model intimacy with our husbands based on our intimacy with God. This includes our frequency of intimacy. But while single, the goal is to stray away from acting on your desires. When those two experiences collide, it feels a little confusing at first.

My husband and I are both finding that we are going through an adjustment period as it relates to frequency. I think the best way to think about sex as a newlywed is with an open mind and heart. Making a clean slate to rebuild and redefine sex based on the Word of God and the unique interaction of you and your husband. I pondered on what could be a practical method of improving this area of our intimacy.

Here the quick tips that I recently incorporated into my marriage to heighten frequency awareness.

First, Reminding myself of the importance of frequency because it models my intimate relationship with God. For example, the days I miss my prayer and study time, I am not as clear and grounded. I also feel less connected and more distracted by the world.

Second, I track the days my husband and I are intimate. For some wives this might seem like an annoyance or anxiety provoking. For me, it is an opportunity to see the truth.

Why did I start doing this?

We couldn’t remember when we were having sex but we wanted to know how often it was happening in a month. I figured the best way to get to the bottom of this mystery was document it.

By tracking the dates on my feminine phone app calendar (Pink Pad), what I realized is that we were  having sex way more often we realized! Two to three times a week but why did it feel like it was only happening twice a month!

Here’s what I learned by tracking our intimacy.

On average, how long it takes before we start feeling disconnected from one another without sex is much shorter than we assumed. Also, tracking keeps us accountable in prioritizing sex. I am also naturally a very competitive person and that works in my favor sometimes when I look at the calendar and want to increase frequency from the previous week!

If you find yourself forgetting the last time you were intimate with your husband or not sure how often sex is happening, try tracking it and see if it surprises you.

Happy Exploring!

-Sharelle Guyton

How the Awaken-Love Class Opened My Eyes to Sex God’s Way

Today’s guest post is by Sharelle Guyton who attended the women’s Awaken-Love study earlier this year. Sharelle shared thoughtful insights during the study and we are excited for you to hear some of her thoughts here as well.

My husband and I were no strangers to sex when we got married. This area of sin is something we struggled with individually before we met and exacerbated over the course of our dating relationship. During the last two years of dating, we got serious about being more obedient to God’s Word, which meant no sex or sexual activity until we got married. We were not perfect at this, but still never stopped trying.

After we got engaged, we were very curious about what sex would be like after marriage, when it was no longer  a sin. We had a very short 6-month engagement and a small intimate wedding. As we were aiming to be more like Christ, we decided that was the best way to stay focused on Him and follow through with our commitment to sexual purity.

I was blessed to be able to take the Awaken-Love class after only three months of marriage. The results of applying the insight and wisdom from the course have far exceeded my expectations and imagination!

Thinking in hindsight about the years we both struggled to defeat sexual sin, the wisdom from the course was clear how interconnected it was to our disobedience to the will of God. As I learned about using intimacy with God as a model of intimacy with my husband, it was evident I was off target with my intimacy with God as a single woman. In the same way God is a model for my sexuality married, He was also a model for my sexuality single.

What struck me about the course is that the Word of God directly informs everything we need to know about having a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship with our husbands. The freedom that comes with the gift of understanding the goodness of God’s intention and purposes for sex are powerful.

My husband and I have experienced such healing from our past sexual sin because we know the truth of our identity in Christ. The opportunity to begin our sexual journey as a married couple with the foundation and principles of this class is something that we will use throughout the entire course of our marriage. We cannot thank you enough.

-Sharelle Guyton

Reverse Cowgirl

bootsWhen you are feeling playful and in the mood to experiment, then the reverse cowgirl position offers a number of variations to enjoy.  With the husband laying on his back, propped up to the degree needed to be comfortable and to have a good line of sight, his wife straddles his pelvis while facing away from him. This gives the husband an amazing view of his wife’s back and bottom. Though the wife cannot see her husband’s face, she can focus on hearing and feeling him more intently.  Or a mirror at the end of the bed can provide the wife a view of the action if desired.

In this position, with the wife upright, she can control much of the movement and the depth of penetration – allowing for either clitoral, g-spot or deep spot stimulation depending what she is aiming for.  However, the position is not limited to this alone. Try different variations with her upright, her leaning forward, her leaning back balanced on her hands or her leaning back onto his chest.  Each changes the sensations.

Experiment with her legs straight down on the outside of his, his legs on the outside of hers, his legs dangling over the side of the bed and his legs wrapped around her straight legs.  All of these variations change the angle at which the husband’s penis hits and who leads the movement.  Clearly, this position necessitates communication, so don’t be afraid to say howdy to your partner as different variations are savored again and again.

Reserve cowgirl can be great during pregnancy. Husbands who enjoy seeing their wife’s backside will relish this position, too. As he marvels, he can grab onto her hips, manually stimulate her clitoris and/or breasts, and use his words to describe the beauty that he sees.  All around, reverse cowgirl is a sure fire way to have fun while boosting a wife’s confidence.  So whether you live way out yonder or are a city slicker, it’s time to giddy up!


He is My Shield

shield3Typically, rear entry vaginal intercourse is perceived to be very powerful.  There may be times that a wife just wants to feel her husband’s strength, but there is also a softer side to rear entry positions.  At a time of insecurity, when a wife may struggle to open up and confidently share herself, her husband can gently and lovingly reassure her of the safety of their marriage bed through his words, skin to skin connection and rear entry vaginal intercourse.

With the wife on her stomach and her knees drawn up underneath her – similar to a frog – her husband can mimic her position while draping his body over hers. The vast skin to skin contact can be an assurance; he is her shield.  His hands are free to roam as he envelops her inside and out.  He can use his hand, she can use her hand or a small vibe can be used to add clitoral stimulation.  He can kiss her neck and whisper affirmations in her ear. She can also respond to his thrusting by creating resistance or swaying her hips.

The connection in this froggy style position creates a place of security for the wife to open up, to be reminded of her husband’s love, while not demanding a lot of physical exposure until she is ready.  It also gives a husband a great view of his wife’s backside.  The husband can work a relaxing back rub for his wife into the foreplay to intensify the level of relaxation and trust that this position offers as well.



Face the Difficulties Podcast

The IMG_40452nd half of my podcast with Belah Rose at Delight Your Marriage is live!  Belah and I talk about how God’s best is for us to build unity in our marriage by facing our struggles and revealing our self to our spouse, rather than running away from difficulties or hiding our self from our spouse.  God wants to grow us and our spouse closer to Him and to each other.  We talk about the fruit that results from working through difficulties.  Thanks for checking it out! If you missed Part 1 of Belah and I’s discussion then listen in sometime!


Journey to Sexual Freedom Podcast

Today, I am talking with Belah Rose over at Delight Your Marriage sharing how God has redeemed my marriage bed so that my husband and I can glorify Him by living out His original design for husbands and wives to be “naked and unashamed.”  Please head over to hear Part 1 and plan on returning next Tuesday for Part 2 of our conversation. While you are there, check out Belah’s other resources that inspire wives in wholehearted intimacy.