RR Safe Place

The last few years I have realized how bad a job I have done at creating a safe place for my husband to share. I was reminded the other day when I slipped back into my old pattern of reading way to much into my husband’s comments.

I have this amazing husband that loves to teach Sunday School to young kids. After class on Saturday night, as we were walking out to the car, he said, ” You know, I could teach Sunday school every week.” My immediate reaction was, “Don’t you ever want to sit with me during church?”

My poor husband found himself back pedaling trying to explain that of course he liked sitting with me in church. All he was really trying to say was that he loves teaching kids. But through my filter of insecurity, I immediately questioned whether he loved me.

I am embarrassed to say that just a few years ago, because I was often overly sensitive to my husband’s comments, he essentially stopped talking to me. (more…)


RR V DAY – Video Day

Tomorrow, Melanie and I begin 3 days of  filming the women’s Awaken-Love Video Series.

We are excited to finally get rolling and hear the first,


Our desire is to let go of our notes and just TEACH like we have done so many times.

We are imperfect, unpolished, ordinary women that have submitted ourselves to being used by God and we are trusting that He is going to show up.


Will you please pray for us over the next 3 days?

Blessings, Ruth and Melanie

IMG_0438 (1)melanie-sq-web





RR Summer Surprise

As summer approaches and the temperatures rise, it’s time to turn up the heat in your marriage bed!  Ironically, this position doesn’t involve a bed at all.  Instead, it creates an opportunity for a wife to surprise her husband with some summer loving.

The Summer Surprise works best in your own backyard or other semi-private outdoor space.  During a summer picnic for two or an evening relaxing on the deck, she can take a simple make-out session to the next level by pre-planning her attire.  She should select a long flowy sundress or skirt, perhaps a tank top or other shirt that allows her to go bra-less, and most importantly, she must just happen to forget her panties.

While her husband is sitting, a wife can straddle his lap and sit facing him. This allows for some great kissing, which can lead to some heavy petting.  As she becomes aroused, he will surely be tantalized by her nipples peeking through her top.

Before things heat up so much that he nudges her to take the action inside, a wife must decide which direction to take. She can lead his hand under her skirt and invite him to manually stimulate her as they continue kissing.  She can also surprise her husband by discreetly unzipping his pants under her skirt.  Then she can manually stimulate him and/or insert his penis for some secret outdoor intercourse while she remains on his lap – and her flowy skirt conceals the action.

The Summer Surprise offers so many options that it must be enjoyed multiple times over the sunny season.  It is sure to create fun memories for both husband and wife to recall when the winter chill arrives.

heart thoughtbubble

Become ONE

oneThe other night in class we were talking about the reasons God created sex and I asked, “What does it mean when the Bible says God makes us into ONE?”

Silence filled the room until one woman began to share. She said, “The other night, my husband and I were in a disagreement, and then my husband starts making a  move on me. In the past, I would have just gotten mad, or brushed him to the side, but this time I made the choice to get on board. We had sex, and the amazing thing was that afterward, the disagreement didn’t seem like such a big deal. We were able to work through it, no problem.”

Matthew 19:5 –  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh

I used to think that when we got married and had sex, God made us into One – end of story.

I now realize that God makes us into One EVERY TIME that we have sex.


Side by Side

Sometimes sex is more about the connection than anything else.

We enjoy the pleasure – but we just want to feel so in tune with our husband or wife – that the connection takes precedence. We want to be in sync with our spouse – not one of us leading or one of us following.  No one is directing or even verbally communicating – but two  just moving as one.

Ephesians 5:21 – Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Side by Side is face to face intercourse while lying on your sides. There is no dominant role or passive role – just the interplay between the two. Movements become smaller and subtler and the intensity of stillness can make the power of connection much more obvious. Eyes lock, lips lock and skin meshes with skin. The dance of bodies pressing into and pushing back inter plays with the grasp for togetherness. Bodies stretch out, tense, arch and release as every sensation of the other is seen and felt.

The easiest way to get into the Side by Side position is to start with the wife on top straddling her husband. When she is ready, the wife can gently lay forward while stretching out her legs. Gradually, both roll to the side while holding each other. Once on their sides, legs come together and bodies outstretch. Pillows might be slid out of the way as the firmness of the mattress contrasts the soft flesh of your bodies.

Take your time, focus on each other and move as one.

IMG_0438 (1)

Heart to Heart

heart2heartHaving a great sex life requires intention. It doesn’t just happen. We should take great care to get to bed early sometimes so that we have time and energy remaining for an intimate encounter. We would also do well to hold loosely to our expectations for that encounter so that we are open to the blessing of unexpected detours that take us on a different journey of connecting.

Lying in bed, skin to skin and eye to eye, talking to our spouse can be an incredibly intimate experience. Yes, talking! Diving into the depths of being known spiritually and emotionally prepares the waters for us to dive deeper physically. Consider giving your spouse the gift of you by taking a detour and initiating a conversation that stretches you.  Sharing our inner thoughts doesn’t come naturally for most of us, but it connects us in undeniable ways.

We can share where we really are – with respect to our work, parenting, or with God. We can vulnerably share our growth points, our doubts, and our fears. We can courageously share those things that our heart longs to speak and yet shies away in fear, how we see struggles drawing us closer to God and each other, and our hurts that sting every time they cross our mind. When we share how God speaks to us and the things that He has recently shown us – giving our spouse not only the opportunity to know us more deeply, but the opportunity to encourage our growth and affirm the new fruit in our life.  We can share stories of divine encounters – with people, Scripture, creation or a song – that have touched us so deeply that we can’t retell them without tears of joy. We can share stories that lead to whole body laughs.  As we lay there physically naked, eyes locked, we are undressing our innermost being.

An intimate conversation with our spouse refreshes us. It builds security and trust. It leaves us feeling sturdy as we are reminded that we are always loved and accepted. Time seemingly stops as we dive into thoughts and connections that were prepared for that very moment. Heart to heart conversations produce a stillness in us as we feel grounded and glued to our spouse. Once we push past the fear of revealing our self, and choose to ignore the warning sirens of being too vulnerable, there is undeniable peace.  Being fully known by our spouse is the safest place we can be because we are living out God’s design within marriage.  This security then allows us to share our body with new confidence.

Capstone the heart to heart experience with becoming physically one and then drifting to sleep satisfied that you connected to your spouse with all of your being. I think this is the depth of knowing that God intended for marriage even before the fall.  Let’s reclaim His perfect delights. Ultimately, sex is more about the alignment of our hearts than our bodies.

How has knowing your spouse more emotionally and spiritually drawn you to knowing them more physically?


Amazing Stories

baggageThis year, the biggest change in the Awaken-Love class has been asking women to share their baggage and it has been AMAZING! Our stories are a testimony of how God works. We need to share our stories – even stories of how God has healed or forgiven us in our sex lives.

In class I used to be afraid to ask women to share their baggage, but I have decided the Awaken-Love study is not just about the women in the class. It is about every friend, relative or co-worker that their lives intersect with. Awaken-Love is one step in changing the whole culture of Christians and how they interact with others about sex. Christians ought to speak truth about sex everywhere they go – with their husband, with their kids, with their friends – even with non-believers. Sharing their stories of brokenness, how  God healed and redeemed them and the freedom that they now enjoy gives others hope that God is indeed a good, good God.

So during Week 3 of class, when we talk about Lies, Baggage and Body Image Issues, I ask everyone to bring at least one piece of baggage that they can share with the class. It can be a small carry on or a giant suitcase. We don’t share specific details, but in respectful general ways, we communicate our experiences, how they affected our marriage bed, and the steps to gain freedom.

I have been astounded by the response and humbled by the trust and support that these women show each other. Every class has responded by fully entering into the process of reflecting on what their past baggage is and sharing openly. I have heard everything from…

  • innocent child play or body discovery that lead to years of shame
  • not knowing how to say no
  • non-consensual acts that led to promiscuity spinning out of control
  • not holding the lines of purity before marriage
  • struggles with porn or erotica
  • strong church messages of purity that led to inhibition
  • messages of sex being about fulfilling a husband’s needs

Every woman seems to have something and what might seem like nothing to one women can be a huge deal to another. Sometimes it is not even what happened, but it is the over reaction of a loved one that leaves a huge impact.

As teachers, we try to discern if there are next steps that need to happen. Sometimes we ask if we can lay hands on a woman and pray for her. Sometimes we sense that she needs to claim this for herself by asking God right there and then for exactly what she wants as we gather around her in agreement. Sometimes we discern that a wife needs to share with a husband and pray with him or ask a husband to pray over her.

I have seen women return to class the next week with smiles on their face and burdens lifted. Women have shared that they went home that night to have amazing conversations with loving husbands.  Women have released things that they were not supposed to carry and they have found a taste of the freedom that God desires for them.

You know, I used to say that God can heal in an instant or it can be a process. But recently I have realized that God may not always heal. Sometimes we are left with a thorn in our side like Paul and we may struggle our entire life. That thorn does not have to define us, or control us, but it can lead to a greater dependence on Christ as we live out surrender on a daily basis. We don’t have to hide our thorn from our loved ones, but we bear it with the one that fully knows us. And so, there are some intentional choices that we make as we step into living the life that God wants us to live – even when it is not easy.

My hope and desire is that the freedom these women experience as they throw away the code of silence, doesn’t just exist for them, but that it becomes a part of their testimony of God’s goodness. There are so many women that have experienced pain in their sexuality and it is time to start talking. Healing happens when you speak it out loud with another and you take it to the foot of the cross and you surrender it. God wants women to be whole.

Have you broken the code of silence about sexual baggage and what difference has it made for you?

Ruth Buezis

T for Two

TsignMany positions that allow a wife to feel her husband’s power do not allow husband and wife to be face to face.  Yet, there is something about the security, trust and knowing expressed when a wife can look her husband eye to eye as he shares his passion.

The “T” position starts with the wife lying on her back with her bottom on the edge of the bed.  (There is an obvious opportunity for OB/GYN parallels here, but don’t go there unless you want all sex appeal to be lost.)  The husband stands at the edge of the bed and aligns his pelvis with hers. Together, their bodies make a “T” shape.  Pillows and wedges come in handy to prop up her hips if needed or he can stand on a stool or bend his knees to match their heights.

Visually, this position is a winner for husbands.  Not only does he get a view of his wife’s body, but he can also see his manhood in action.  The wife can use her hands to touch her breasts, manually stimulate her clitoris or whatever else may be tantalizing for the duo.  With some simple adjusts, such as him leaning back or switching the angle of her hips, G-spot stimulation is pretty easy to achieve as well.

Since the distance between spouses doesn’t allow for easy kissing, the husband and wife can use their mouths to speak arousing and connecting words.  She can describe his power and what she appreciates about his physique.  He can compliment the unique beauty of her body, suggest what he’d like to see her do with her hands, or describe how it feels to be inside her.

And don’t forget the eyes – the power of this position!  Locked eye contact ensures the undeniable presence of both spouses being fully engaged in every second of the encounter.

It’s important for husbands to consider that some women can feel un-grounded – and thereby distracted and unable to be fully present in the action – if their legs are not secured.  Instead of leaving them dangling, drape her legs over his shoulder, prop her feet flat on his torso with her knees bent, wrap his arms around her knees holding them against his chest or bend her legs around his body so that her feet interlock or rest on his back.

Another great attribute of the “T” position is that spouses can move the action from the edge of bed, to the edge of a table, a counter or other flat surface.  “T” time anyone?



Dealing with my baggage had a profound impact on my marriage. I dug deep into my past, remembering the pain, and speaking it out loud to my husband. Tears flowed as I shared what for years I had brushed off as “no big deal.” Years of silence no longer held power as I reflected on how I had allowed these past experiences to affect my present. I prayed for healing, I prayed for forgiveness, I prayed for letting go and I prayed for freedom. Piece by piece, I dug up the stink, and every time God showed up.

Some of my baggage was child play – experiences which some might argue were completely innocent. But for whatever reason, these experiences had filled me with shame. Shame that had placed me in the virtual back corner of every room, just hoping to go unnoticed. No one knew -for over 40 years.  I remember while reading Kevin Leman’s Sheet Music out loud to my husband one night, he shared how many times wives share things with a counselor that they have never told their husband. I suddenly knew that he was talking about me and the floodgates opened. That night in my husband’s arms I shared about my child play experience and the shame that it filled me with. I had let silence hold so much power over my life and it was time to break down the walls.

Raised in a Christian church, as a teenager I had committed to wait until marriage to have sex, but years at college took me far from God. When I met my husband, I was still a virgin, but immediately fell head over heels in love with him. I knew that during a couple of serious relationships, he had been sexually active. So I decided if he was going to fall in love with me, I needed to have sex with him. All the years we were married, I resented him for the fact that I was not a virgin bride, and yet I was the one that had initiated sex. He never forced me or coerced me, I brought sex up. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I began questioning and wondering why he had not initiated or tried to coerce me. Did he really desire me or was I the consolation prize?

Now you need to know that I have the best husband in the world. He has never done anything to make me question whether he loves me. He has kept his eyes pure, he has always served me, loved me, encouraged me and provided for me. I let this baggage worm away in my head and question reality and truth. I had to confess my resentment to my husband, ask for forgiveness, and I had to pray to let go of my husband’s stuff.

Some things are harder to let go of than others – my husband’s past relationships – was probably the hardest. It was a choice to stop wondering, comparing and questioning whether he chose me or if I was a consolation prize. I had to consciously decide to believe my husband instead of letting my head spin wherever Satan would take it. But healing has come and it is amazing. My healing has also lead to my husband having more confidence in himself. He no longer has to tip toe around wondering if I will question and prickle and look for ulterior motives. I simply take him at his word. I believe him. And I trust him.

This renewed trust  has opened up doors that I never knew possible. I believe my husband when he adores my body and I love his eyes on me. I am confident in my own desires and know that when I share them it is an absolute thrill for him. My husband has even begun to talk about some of his baggage, because I am no longer hyper sensitive when he brings up his past. We freely share in bed – all kinds of delights and we delight in each other.

But most of all, God has shown up and in very real ways shown us the power of prayer. He is good.

How has dealing with your baggage changed your marriage?

Ruth Buezis