Laid Back

It is funny how just a slight twist can make a position feel so different.

One of the most successful positions for a woman to experience an orgasm during intercourse without any extra stimulation is Coital Alignment Technique, or CAT. I wrote about it in a post titled Positions and Movements, so here is an excerpt from that article.

CAT is really just a variation of missionary position.The man enters and then shifts his body up towards his wife’s head so that his shaft is actually wrapped over her vulva and across her clitoris. Instead of elevating his body with his arms, he lowers his body just enough so that he does not put too much weight on her. The motion is not a thrusting in and out of the penis, but a rocking up and down. You will need to play around to figure out what works well, so direct his movement by placing your hands on his butt or hips… Women that orgasm easier with their legs together can, one at leg at a time, shift their legs to the inside of their husbands. Some women enjoy the feeling of being fully pinned against the bed by not using a pillow under their head.

The small twist of a husband sliding the pillow out from under her head changes everything. It tilts her head back to more of an attitude of surrender. The mattress provides firm support as her husbands body gently sandwiches her. No longer able to see anything other than her husbands face, eyes lock eyes. Rocking becomes a sensual interchange of connection and disconnection.  As husband and wife focus  on where their bodies become one, pelvis’s engage and urge for more.

 

 

Greeting Your Spouse

melanie-sq-webA visual representation of God’s love for me is a mental picture of His reaction whenever I come to Him.  He smiles and reaches to embrace me.  His greeting is the essence of warmth. No matter the circumstances or where I am emotionally, His unconditional acceptance and delight in my presence is evident. When I think about His loving response, I want to run to Him. I want to share my hopes, celebrate the joys of life, be shielded from my fears, be comforted in my sorrows and just be with Him.  What a welcome place of love My Savior is for me! For anyone who desires Him.

When I take that thought and mesh it with the truth that my marriage relationship is a reflection of my relationship with Christ, then I see a whole new application.  I think husbands and wives are supposed to be an unconditional place of love and acceptance for one another as well.  We are supposed to be each other’s safe place to escape the world and be reminded that we are always loved and delighted in regardless of the events of the day. I think we can convey and reaffirm that truth in a matter of seconds in the way that we greet one another. How would marriages change if husbands and wives intentionally greeted one another in a manner that conveys that they are each other’s great treasure?  Each of us would be built up regularly. Our positive perspective toward one another would be reinforced regardless of life’s circumstances. We would become interruptable, stopping to meaningfully greet one another whether we were in the midst of changing a diaper, carrying in the groceries or running off to work. I think our tanks would be overflowing.  Our kids would notice and feel secured (and possibly embarrassed, but that’s ok).  People would wonder what was going on.

I told my husband that I feel adored when he smiles and embraces me.  I thought it was important for him to know what small effort makes a huge impact on me. Ya know what? Whenever he leave our home, comes home from work, comes in from mowing the yard, or whoever, he makes an effort to find me, smile and embrace me. We momentarily disconnect from the world and reaffirm our love toward one another. It’s a moment of peace, safety and knowing that we are exactly where we belong – together.  Before I can even tell him what happened with the kids or ask him how his day went, we spend a few seconds melting into one and reminding ourselves what a blessing our marriage is. It doesn’t take long, but it speaks volumes. Our perspectives are recalibrated.  Warm feelings are allowed to grow. When we are apart, I remember our greetings and think about how much I love my husband. It’s so simple, yet it impacts everything.

Greeting our spouse is so important that we include a daily 15 second kiss or embrace as one of the homework assignments for the women in our Awaken-Love study. They often comment that they continue to do it even after the class ends because of the wonderful impact it has on their relationship with their husband.

How can you greet your spouse to show them that they are adored and delighted in?  Find out and incorporate it into your day. Let’s bring divine love into our mundane and experience flourishing marriages.

Keep me as the apple of your eye – Psalm 17:8

Intimacy and Sex as a Newlywed

Today’s guest post is by Sharelle Guyton who attended the women’s Awaken-Love study earlier this year. Sharelle shared thoughtful insights during the study and we are excited for you to read her thoughts about being a newlywed.

As a newlywed, I felt myself sort of fumbling through the principle of frequency. We are instructed to model intimacy with our husbands based on our intimacy with God. This includes our frequency of intimacy. But while single, the goal is to stray away from acting on your desires. When those two experiences collide, it feels a little confusing at first.

My husband and I are both finding that we are going through an adjustment period as it relates to frequency. I think the best way to think about sex as a newlywed is with an open mind and heart. Making a clean slate to rebuild and redefine sex based on the Word of God and the unique interaction of you and your husband. I pondered on what could be a practical method of improving this area of our intimacy.

Here the quick tips that I recently incorporated into my marriage to heighten frequency awareness.

First, Reminding myself of the importance of frequency because it models my intimate relationship with God. For example, the days I miss my prayer and study time, I am not as clear and grounded. I also feel less connected and more distracted by the world.

Second, I track the days my husband and I are intimate. For some wives this might seem like an annoyance or anxiety provoking. For me, it is an opportunity to see the truth.

Why did I start doing this?

We couldn’t remember when we were having sex but we wanted to know how often it was happening in a month. I figured the best way to get to the bottom of this mystery was document it.

By tracking the dates on my feminine phone app calendar (Pink Pad), what I realized is that we were  having sex way more often we realized! Two to three times a week but why did it feel like it was only happening twice a month!

Here’s what I learned by tracking our intimacy.

On average, how long it takes before we start feeling disconnected from one another without sex is much shorter than we assumed. Also, tracking keeps us accountable in prioritizing sex. I am also naturally a very competitive person and that works in my favor sometimes when I look at the calendar and want to increase frequency from the previous week!

If you find yourself forgetting the last time you were intimate with your husband or not sure how often sex is happening, try tracking it and see if it surprises you.

Happy Exploring!

-Sharelle Guyton

Wrapped Up

I have to be honest, this is not a position that I ever ask for – not because I don’t like it – but because I am too worn out to ask.  It is a position that my husband takes me when I am tired and over loaded – and he just wants to wrap me up and love me. In fact, usually when my husband wants to take me there, he has to insist on it. With his steady words and strong arms he has to convince me that he really does want to do this, and that it is ok for me to sit back and just relax. (If you haven’t figured it out yet, I have a really great husband.)

between-legsTo get into this position, the husband should pile up some pillows against the headboard of the bed. He can then sit with his back against the pillows, fairly upright with his legs spread apart. He can gently guide his wife to sit between his legs with her back resting against his chest. The wife’s body will need to be tucked in close so that his hands can reach all the way to her thighs. He can wrap his arms around her to gently stroke and warm up her body. He can nuzzle his face against her hair and neck to smell her. He can gently run his fingers up and down her arms, around her breasts and down her sides to her thighs. Eventually one of his hands can rest on her mound as he leisurely strolls his fingers through her garden. He can spend time just feeling her clitoris through stillness and slow movements as he warms her up. As her body begins to relax, she can let her head rest along one of his shoulders. The closeness and security of this position can lead to a different kind of experience that may be much less physical and seeking, but much more relaxing, surrendering and just letting it come. As she experiences pleasure, she can feel her body melt into her husbands and breathe deeply to let out the last ounce of tension. She can let her head drop back, or turn and find his lips as her husband tenderly loves her.

Ruth Buezis

How the Awaken-Love Class Opened My Eyes to Sex God’s Way

Today’s guest post is by Sharelle Guyton who attended the women’s Awaken-Love study earlier this year. Sharelle shared thoughtful insights during the study and we are excited for you to hear some of her thoughts here as well.

My husband and I were no strangers to sex when we got married. This area of sin is something we struggled with individually before we met and exacerbated over the course of our dating relationship. During the last two years of dating, we got serious about being more obedient to God’s Word, which meant no sex or sexual activity until we got married. We were not perfect at this, but still never stopped trying.

After we got engaged, we were very curious about what sex would be like after marriage, when it was no longer  a sin. We had a very short 6-month engagement and a small intimate wedding. As we were aiming to be more like Christ, we decided that was the best way to stay focused on Him and follow through with our commitment to sexual purity.

I was blessed to be able to take the Awaken-Love class after only three months of marriage. The results of applying the insight and wisdom from the course have far exceeded my expectations and imagination!

Thinking in hindsight about the years we both struggled to defeat sexual sin, the wisdom from the course was clear how interconnected it was to our disobedience to the will of God. As I learned about using intimacy with God as a model of intimacy with my husband, it was evident I was off target with my intimacy with God as a single woman. In the same way God is a model for my sexuality married, He was also a model for my sexuality single.

What struck me about the course is that the Word of God directly informs everything we need to know about having a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship with our husbands. The freedom that comes with the gift of understanding the goodness of God’s intention and purposes for sex are powerful.

My husband and I have experienced such healing from our past sexual sin because we know the truth of our identity in Christ. The opportunity to begin our sexual journey as a married couple with the foundation and principles of this class is something that we will use throughout the entire course of our marriage. We cannot thank you enough.

-Sharelle Guyton

Up Close and Personal

There came a time in my life when in order for me to believe that my husband loved all of me, I wanted him to actually see all of me – even my vulva. I wanted him to not just know my vulva with his hands or his mouth – but with his eyes.

There is a huge contrast between the typical experience of a woman touching a man, and a man touching a woman.

When a woman touches a man’s penis, it is completely normal for both husband and wife to watch what is happening – in fact I would say it is almost hard to ignore. It is like this show that demands their full attention until the fireworks fly.  It is mesmerizing and amazing and everyone knows it.

But when a man touches a women’s vulva, it is normal for both husband and wife to be completely visually disconnected from what is going on. He kisses her and embraces her, and secretly slips a hand between her legs. Nobody talks about it or looks and they barely acknowledge that it is happening besides the occasional uncomfortable attempt at guidance or direction. It is just some anonymous thing that happens between her legs, while the real attention is lavished in more acceptable places. There is no grand finale to be eagerly watched for or anticipated from her vulva, but it is the more subtle clues of ecstasy that are awaited.

Contrary to what is commonly believed, maybe mostly by ourselves, our bodies are amazing. And though changes during arousal are not as obvious, a careful student of his wife will notice engorgement, physical changes  and even color changes. So maybe sometimes a husband ought to enjoy the show up close and personal and give his wife a sensual play by play of the amazing show that he sees and feels.

Tell your wife that you want to get to know her body more and that you would like to watch as you arouse her with your hands and take her over the top. Set up soft lights, and warm the room to make her comfortable. Have her gently spread her legs as you kneel between them. Keep your free hand on her legs or body to hold her steady and connected. Take her in with your eyes as you work your magic with your hands.For variety try  a thumb or palm. Smile at her once in a while, voice your pleasure  as you enjoy her pleasure, and

let her know just how amazed you are.

Ruth Buezis

 

4 Year Anniversary of Awaken-Love

A year ago I wrote a post called REMEMBER that celebrated what God had done in my life and through Awaken-Love over the last 3 years. At the end of the post I made this statement…

The safety of staying in the back ground can be just as insulting to God. Why couldn’t God use me in those ways? What if I am supposed to speak to large groups? What if I am supposed to develop a video study? What if…?

I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would actually make videos of the Awaken-Love study, but this June it will become a reality. God has given me an amazing ministry partner in Melanie – we point each other to God, we challenge each other, we speak God’s truth, and we dream the impossible. God is moving so fast, it is both terrifying and exhilarating. He has led us every step of the way and we are so excited to offer the Awaken-Love study to every married women that wants to take it. We are praying for doors to open and connections to be made to get the videos into women’s hands. We are praying for deep conversations as women meet and use the videos to learn about the intimacy God desires for them in their marriage and in their relationship with Him. We are praying that women would be made whole and marriages strengthened as they journey thru Awaken-Love.

So today I REMEMBER year 4 of Awaken-Love

Deep and Wide – I have a hard time turning people away from class just because it is filled. I figure that if they have enough nerve to contact me, then it is a divine appointment, that I had better keep. So for the last 6 months, every class I’ve taught has been filled with as many women as the room will hold. I worried that the large size (18-28 people) would result in women not sharing or going deep, but I have been completely proved wrong.  Women have joined in on discussions, they have openly shared their struggles and in fact, they have ministered to each other in powerful ways. There has been laughter, compassion, righteous anger and tears as the women learn and share, and it has been amazing. I love teaching Awaken-Love and I consider it an absolute privilege to walk along side of women.

Friends – Melanie joined me in June . She is an amazing teacher, my ministry partner and we are joined at the heart.  It has only been a year but it seems like a lifetime and I cannot imagine doing any of this without her. Erin, Melissa, Margie, Rebecca and Tracy have since joined our teaching ranks. Interviewing each of them was such a pleasure and privilege. To see God’s calling on them so strong, that they would step out and teach about sex – even when it was terrifying. They are amazing women and I consider it a privilege to minister side by side with them.

Men – One of the surprises that came this year was God calling us to further develop a men’s curriculum to compliment the women’s Awaken-Love study. With all that has happened this year, it has felt at times like a distraction, and yet I can’t seem to let it go. Melanie and I have spent time wrestling with ways to make the Men’s Edition most effective, accessible and act as a reinforcement to the women’s class. I am excited to team teach with my husband Jim in June as we continue to refine the curriculum. We are open to God’s calling and direction as we have no idea where we are going.

I asked Melanie to read last year’s post REMEMBER  and she emailed me saying,

I read this last night and smiled a lot.  It is amazing to know more of the details about the journey God has you on – and brought me to go on alongside you.  I can’t wait to hear the stories at year 5 and 10 and 15!  We have no idea what He has in store…which is a great thing because it exceeds anything we could plan!

And so we ask God for immeasurably more that we could plan or imagine…

Ruth BuezisIf  you want to help, we are still raising funds towards all the details that go with distributing the videos. Thank you for your support, for you encouragements and for your prayers.

 

Lazy 69

The traditional 69 position of woman on top, mouth to genitals,  can be challenging to wives for several reasons:

  • it takes a lot of arm strength to hold up her body – especially if she wants to get another hand involved in the action
  • it is hard to stay under the covers on a cold night
  • it can feel as if her rear is literally right in front of her husbands eyes
  • there are few physical points of connection other than mouths on genitals

So here is another position that provides simultaneous oral pleasure, is relaxing for both husband and wife, and provides  loads of skin to skin connection.

The Lazy 69

Align your bodies similar to the traditional 69 position but instead, both of you lay on your side in a gently curled up position. The wife will need to gently spread her legs apart so that the husband can rest his clean shaven cheek on her inner thigh. The wife can either rest her head on the mattress or on a small pillow. Both husband and wife can gently pull the other closer for more intimate contact. In this relaxed position it is easy to stay warm under the covers. Hands can freely be used to stroke, caress  or grasp. If the wife wants more access to his testicles or perineum, she can gently spread his legs.  Bodies can be pulled even closer to gain further access or just to meld bodies together as pleasure mounts.

Take all the time in the world as you explore and enjoy 

The Lazy 69

Ruth Buezis

CLUSTERS OF GRAPES ON THE VINE

clusters of grapesSong of Songs 7:8

May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,

Sometimes I think my husband is more interested in my breasts than in any other part of my body. They capture his eyes and entice his hands and he is fascinated by them.

But breasts are tricky. What can feel great one day can feel painful the next. Breasts change dramatically with monthly hormonal cycles, pregnancy and nursing. During high estrogen cycles like ovulation, early pregnancy or menopause adjustments, the nipples can be painfully tender.

How you handle her breasts communicates a lot. Do you respect her desires without pouting or getting defensive? Can you tell when her nipples are sensitive or even painful? Do you treat her with tenderness and care?  Do you understand when her identity is stretched as a provider of sustenance to an infant? Do you adore a part of her body that in many ways defines her femininity? Do you devour her when she wants to be devoured?

Though every woman is different, I am going to stick my neck out and try to give you some clues on ways to approach and handle your wife’s breasts.

(more…)

Reverse Cowgirl

bootsWhen you are feeling playful and in the mood to experiment, then the reverse cowgirl position offers a number of variations to enjoy.  With the husband laying on his back, propped up to the degree needed to be comfortable and to have a good line of sight, his wife straddles his pelvis while facing away from him. This gives the husband an amazing view of his wife’s back and bottom. Though the wife cannot see her husband’s face, she can focus on hearing and feeling him more intently.  Or a mirror at the end of the bed can provide the wife a view of the action if desired.

In this position, with the wife upright, she can control much of the movement and the depth of penetration – allowing for either clitoral, g-spot or deep spot stimulation depending what she is aiming for.  However, the position is not limited to this alone. Try different variations with her upright, her leaning forward, her leaning back balanced on her hands or her leaning back onto his chest.  Each changes the sensations.

Experiment with her legs straight down on the outside of his, his legs on the outside of hers, his legs dangling over the side of the bed and his legs wrapped around her straight legs.  All of these variations change the angle at which the husband’s penis hits and who leads the movement.  Clearly, this position necessitates communication, so don’t be afraid to say howdy to your partner as different variations are savored again and again.

Reserve cowgirl can be great during pregnancy. Husbands who enjoy seeing their wife’s backside will relish this position, too. As he marvels, he can grab onto her hips, manually stimulate her clitoris and/or breasts, and use his words to describe the beauty that he sees.  All around, reverse cowgirl is a sure fire way to have fun while boosting a wife’s confidence.  So whether you live way out yonder or are a city slicker, it’s time to giddy up!

melanie-sq-web