Heart to Heart

heart2heartHaving a great sex life requires intention. It doesn’t just happen. We should take great care to get to bed early sometimes so that we have time and energy remaining for an intimate encounter. We would also do well to hold loosely to our expectations for that encounter so that we are open to the blessing of unexpected detours that take us on a different journey of connecting.

Lying in bed, skin to skin and eye to eye, talking to our spouse can be an incredibly intimate experience. Yes, talking! Diving into the depths of being known spiritually and emotionally prepares the waters for us to dive deeper physically. Consider giving your spouse the gift of you by taking a detour and initiating a conversation that stretches you.  Sharing our inner thoughts doesn’t come naturally for most of us, but it connects us in undeniable ways.

We can share where we really are – with respect to our work, parenting, or with God. We can vulnerably share our growth points, our doubts, and our fears. We can courageously share those things that our heart longs to speak and yet shies away in fear, how we see struggles drawing us closer to God and each other, and our hurts that sting every time they cross our mind. When we share how God speaks to us and the things that He has recently shown us – giving our spouse not only the opportunity to know us more deeply, but the opportunity to encourage our growth and affirm the new fruit in our life.  We can share stories of divine encounters – with people, Scripture, creation or a song – that have touched us so deeply that we can’t retell them without tears of joy. We can share stories that lead to whole body laughs.  As we lay there physically naked, eyes locked, we are undressing our innermost being.

An intimate conversation with our spouse refreshes us. It builds security and trust. It leaves us feeling sturdy as we are reminded that we are always loved and accepted. Time seemingly stops as we dive into thoughts and connections that were prepared for that very moment. Heart to heart conversations produce a stillness in us as we feel grounded and glued to our spouse. Once we push past the fear of revealing our self, and choose to ignore the warning sirens of being too vulnerable, there is undeniable peace.  Being fully known by our spouse is the safest place we can be because we are living out God’s design within marriage.  This security then allows us to share our body with new confidence.

Capstone the heart to heart experience with becoming physically one and then drifting to sleep satisfied that you connected to your spouse with all of your being. I think this is the depth of knowing that God intended for marriage even before the fall.  Let’s reclaim His perfect delights. Ultimately, sex is more about the alignment of our hearts than our bodies.

How has knowing your spouse more emotionally and spiritually drawn you to knowing them more physically?


Intimacy and Sex as a Newlywed

Today’s guest post is by Sharelle Guyton who attended the women’s Awaken-Love study earlier this year. Sharelle shared thoughtful insights during the study and we are excited for you to read her thoughts about being a newlywed.

As a newlywed, I felt myself sort of fumbling through the principle of frequency. We are instructed to model intimacy with our husbands based on our intimacy with God. This includes our frequency of intimacy. But while single, the goal is to stray away from acting on your desires. When those two experiences collide, it feels a little confusing at first.

My husband and I are both finding that we are going through an adjustment period as it relates to frequency. I think the best way to think about sex as a newlywed is with an open mind and heart. Making a clean slate to rebuild and redefine sex based on the Word of God and the unique interaction of you and your husband. I pondered on what could be a practical method of improving this area of our intimacy.

Here the quick tips that I recently incorporated into my marriage to heighten frequency awareness.

First, Reminding myself of the importance of frequency because it models my intimate relationship with God. For example, the days I miss my prayer and study time, I am not as clear and grounded. I also feel less connected and more distracted by the world.

Second, I track the days my husband and I are intimate. For some wives this might seem like an annoyance or anxiety provoking. For me, it is an opportunity to see the truth.

Why did I start doing this?

We couldn’t remember when we were having sex but we wanted to know how often it was happening in a month. I figured the best way to get to the bottom of this mystery was document it.

By tracking the dates on my feminine phone app calendar (Pink Pad), what I realized is that we were  having sex way more often we realized! Two to three times a week but why did it feel like it was only happening twice a month!

Here’s what I learned by tracking our intimacy.

On average, how long it takes before we start feeling disconnected from one another without sex is much shorter than we assumed. Also, tracking keeps us accountable in prioritizing sex. I am also naturally a very competitive person and that works in my favor sometimes when I look at the calendar and want to increase frequency from the previous week!

If you find yourself forgetting the last time you were intimate with your husband or not sure how often sex is happening, try tracking it and see if it surprises you.

Happy Exploring!

-Sharelle Guyton


I have a confession to make. …

Last year as I was writing the LIVE THE SONG series, I got to  Song of Songs 6:10-12, and I totally came up empty. I had nothing. I had no idea what it meant and how to apply it so…

I left it out. I just skipped it and figured that no one would notice. But a few months later I got this email….

Hi Ruth
I have loved every one of your posts featuring Song of Songs and have read them many times over. Sad when I got the last one. I seem to be missing 6:10-12.
I have searched your blog several times and can’t seem to locate it.
Was this published? Help!
Thanks so much.

My first reaction was – how awesome that someone was actually reading Live the Song.

My second thought was – How embarrassing – Now I have to admit that I skipped a section.

So here is my best attempt…

Song of Songs 6:10-12


10 Who is this that appears like the dawn,
    fair as the moon, bright as the sun,
    majestic as the stars in procession?


11 I went down to the grove of nut trees
    to look at the new growth in the valley,
to see if the vines had budded
    or the pomegranates were in bloom.
12 Before I realized it,
    my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people.

I have to be honest…. I’m still not sure what to do with it. Sometimes when I read the Bible, I immediately know what it means. Other times, I chew on it for a while, or wrestle with it, and God gives me what I need. But sometimes, there are passages that I never  understand. They are a mystery – and that’s ok. God is way beyond my comprehension and reality, and I will never understand everything about what He does or how He works.

Just because I cannot make sense of every detail of the Bible,  I can make sense of part of it and I hold onto it. Don’t give up on God because you don’t understand everything about Him – ground yourself in what you do know…

  • He loves you
  • He is good
  • He is powerful
  • He is just
  • He redeems us
  • He is all knowing and we are not

Don’t give up on Song of Songs because parts of it are confusing. Take what speaks to you and put it into action. There are pictures of what intimacy looks like that are timeless.

  • The role of husband and wife in the marriage bed should be as equals
  • Stretch in using your words to express your love
  • Use all 5 of your senses to experience each other
  • Be creative and plan adventure
  • Insecurities of body image and feeling loved are a battle for women
  • Husbands adoring eyes and words build their wife’s confidence
  • God blesses our marriages and our marriage bed

Don’t give up on your spouse because you do not understand everything about them. Ground your self in what you do know…

  • God has made the two of you into one
  • Your spouse is broken just like you are
  • Your spouse cannot meet all your needs
  • Your spouse needs grace and love and encouragement to be the man or woman that God created them to be

So this week – in honor of being “Busted” 

  1. Read a passage in the Bible that you don’t understand with your spouse and ask them for insight or ideas.
  2. Share something with your spouse that you don’t understand about them and reaffirm your commitment and love
  3. Play cops and robbers in bed!!!

Ruth Buezis


Beauty is Fleeting

Not too long ago, a wife quietly admitted that she was struggling to feel attracted to her husband. She explained that he wasn’t making wise food choices, he was avoiding exercise and that he just wasn’t taking care of himself. This wife adored her husband and was wrestling with the guilt of having negative thoughts about his appearance. She asked for advice on how to improve the situation.


On the Edge Interview

hbg6i3q8_400x400Earlier this week, Ruth and I had the pleasure of speaking with Kenneth Mitchell over at Missions Radio on his radio show “On the Edge.”  We shared about the Awaken-Love ministry, our classes, and most importantly, we talked about God’s perfect design for sex within marriage.  Intimacy within marriage is powerfully good!  Grab your spouse or a friend and listen to the interview.


In the Middle

Here we are in the middle of Christmas and New Year’s.

…in the middle of figuring out exactly where to put our new gifts.

…in the middle of debating whether to eat that cookie.  (The answer is yes!)

…in the middle of visiting family and friends that we don’t get to see often enough.

…in the middle of squeezing one more bundle of wrapping paper into the recycling bin.

It’s a festive time of year that takes us outside of our normal routines and creates many wonderful memory-making opportunities.

In the middle of it all, let’s take some time to remind our spouse that they are our favorite.  Steal them away into a bathroom or closet for a couple of minutes for a quick make-out session.  Invite them outside to sit alone with you while you share something that you appreciate about them or celebrate just how far your marriage has come this year.  Surprise them by initiating while visiting parents are sleeping down the hall.  Volunteer to run an errand together and take some time to make googly eyes in the car while you are out. Gather a simple breakfast that you can share in bed before you start your day. Do something together.  It’s ok to leave the visiting family for a short bit while you focus on one another.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the busyness of the holidays. There’s a lot of great stuff going on! Make sure you and your spouse remain connected in the middle of it all.



Song of Songs 7:13


The mandrakes send out their fragrance,

    and at our door is every delicacy,
both new and old,
    that I have stored up for you, my beloved.

Is every delicacy at your door – both new and old.

Having a great sex life is a journey. It is a journey of discovering how our bodies work and how our spouses bodies work. It is a process of building trust and getting comfortable enough to communicate our desires and being bold enough to share our passion. It is a journey of recognizing baggage that has affected us, asking for God’s help in dealing with it and claiming His redemption in our life. It is a lifetime of exploring each other and mining the deepest parts of our lover.


Turning the Tables


Many wives welcome the idea of their husband sweeping them off their feet.  When he takes charge, she can relax and her mind stops spinning as she surrenders to the journey. His leading brings her pleasure and affirms that his desire is for her. Whether that looks like being ravaged by her husband, an indulgent hours long evening of oneness or anything in between, it takes intention and leadership on her husbands’ part to bless his wife with such an experience.

As wives, I don’t think we fully appreciate the joy that our husbands experience when we are pleased.  On The Marriage Bed husbands have commented:

“Giving my wife an orgasm is more pleasing to me than my own.”

“I love pleasing my wife, nothing makes me happier than knowing she’s satisfied…And I also really love her body and enjoy getting to explore it all.”



Song of Songs 6:1-3


Where has your beloved gone,
    most beautiful of women?
Which way did your beloved turn,
    that we may look for him with you?


My beloved has gone down to his garden,
    to the beds of spices,
to browse in the gardens
    and to gather lilies.
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;
    he browses among the lilies.

Do you trust your husband enough to let him go down to the garden, to the beds of spices – and then let him just BROWSE among the lilies? 



Song of Songs 5: 15-16


15 His legs are pillars of marble
    set on bases of pure gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
    choice as its cedars.
16 His mouth is sweetness itself;
    he is altogether lovely.
This is my beloved, this is my friend,
    daughters of Jerusalem

This is my beloved, this is my friend.

Do you treat your husband like you do your friends?