RR Safe Place

The last few years I have realized how bad a job I have done at creating a safe place for my husband to share. I was reminded the other day when I slipped back into my old pattern of reading way to much into my husband’s comments.

I have this amazing husband that loves to teach Sunday School to young kids. After class on Saturday night, as we were walking out to the car, he said, ” You know, I could teach Sunday school every week.” My immediate reaction was, “Don’t you ever want to sit with me during church?”

My poor husband found himself back pedaling trying to explain that of course he liked sitting with me in church. All he was really trying to say was that he loves teaching kids. But through my filter of insecurity, I immediately questioned whether he loved me.

I am embarrassed to say that just a few years ago, because I was often overly sensitive to my husband’s comments, he essentially stopped talking to me. (more…)


RR Summer Surprise

As summer approaches and the temperatures rise, it’s time to turn up the heat in your marriage bed!  Ironically, this position doesn’t involve a bed at all.  Instead, it creates an opportunity for a wife to surprise her husband with some summer loving.

The Summer Surprise works best in your own backyard or other semi-private outdoor space.  During a summer picnic for two or an evening relaxing on the deck, she can take a simple make-out session to the next level by pre-planning her attire.  She should select a long flowy sundress or skirt, perhaps a tank top or other shirt that allows her to go bra-less, and most importantly, she must just happen to forget her panties.

While her husband is sitting, a wife can straddle his lap and sit facing him. This allows for some great kissing, which can lead to some heavy petting.  As she becomes aroused, he will surely be tantalized by her nipples peeking through her top.

Before things heat up so much that he nudges her to take the action inside, a wife must decide which direction to take. She can lead his hand under her skirt and invite him to manually stimulate her as they continue kissing.  She can also surprise her husband by discreetly unzipping his pants under her skirt.  Then she can manually stimulate him and/or insert his penis for some secret outdoor intercourse while she remains on his lap – and her flowy skirt conceals the action.

The Summer Surprise offers so many options that it must be enjoyed multiple times over the sunny season.  It is sure to create fun memories for both husband and wife to recall when the winter chill arrives.

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Become ONE

oneThe other night in class we were talking about the reasons God created sex and I asked, “What does it mean when the Bible says God makes us into ONE?”

Silence filled the room until one woman began to share. She said, “The other night, my husband and I were in a disagreement, and then my husband starts making a  move on me. In the past, I would have just gotten mad, or brushed him to the side, but this time I made the choice to get on board. We had sex, and the amazing thing was that afterward, the disagreement didn’t seem like such a big deal. We were able to work through it, no problem.”

Matthew 19:5 –  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh

I used to think that when we got married and had sex, God made us into One – end of story.

I now realize that God makes us into One EVERY TIME that we have sex.


Side by Side

Sometimes sex is more about the connection than anything else.

We enjoy the pleasure – but we just want to feel so in tune with our husband or wife – that the connection takes precedence. We want to be in sync with our spouse – not one of us leading or one of us following.  No one is directing or even verbally communicating – but two  just moving as one.

Ephesians 5:21 – Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Side by Side is face to face intercourse while lying on your sides. There is no dominant role or passive role – just the interplay between the two. Movements become smaller and subtler and the intensity of stillness can make the power of connection much more obvious. Eyes lock, lips lock and skin meshes with skin. The dance of bodies pressing into and pushing back inter plays with the grasp for togetherness. Bodies stretch out, tense, arch and release as every sensation of the other is seen and felt.

The easiest way to get into the Side by Side position is to start with the wife on top straddling her husband. When she is ready, the wife can gently lay forward while stretching out her legs. Gradually, both roll to the side while holding each other. Once on their sides, legs come together and bodies outstretch. Pillows might be slid out of the way as the firmness of the mattress contrasts the soft flesh of your bodies.

Take your time, focus on each other and move as one.

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T for Two

TsignMany positions that allow a wife to feel her husband’s power do not allow husband and wife to be face to face.  Yet, there is something about the security, trust and knowing expressed when a wife can look her husband eye to eye as he shares his passion.

The “T” position starts with the wife lying on her back with her bottom on the edge of the bed.  (There is an obvious opportunity for OB/GYN parallels here, but don’t go there unless you want all sex appeal to be lost.)  The husband stands at the edge of the bed and aligns his pelvis with hers. Together, their bodies make a “T” shape.  Pillows and wedges come in handy to prop up her hips if needed or he can stand on a stool or bend his knees to match their heights.

Visually, this position is a winner for husbands.  Not only does he get a view of his wife’s body, but he can also see his manhood in action.  The wife can use her hands to touch her breasts, manually stimulate her clitoris or whatever else may be tantalizing for the duo.  With some simple adjusts, such as him leaning back or switching the angle of her hips, G-spot stimulation is pretty easy to achieve as well.

Since the distance between spouses doesn’t allow for easy kissing, the husband and wife can use their mouths to speak arousing and connecting words.  She can describe his power and what she appreciates about his physique.  He can compliment the unique beauty of her body, suggest what he’d like to see her do with her hands, or describe how it feels to be inside her.

And don’t forget the eyes – the power of this position!  Locked eye contact ensures the undeniable presence of both spouses being fully engaged in every second of the encounter.

It’s important for husbands to consider that some women can feel un-grounded – and thereby distracted and unable to be fully present in the action – if their legs are not secured.  Instead of leaving them dangling, drape her legs over his shoulder, prop her feet flat on his torso with her knees bent, wrap his arms around her knees holding them against his chest or bend her legs around his body so that her feet interlock or rest on his back.

Another great attribute of the “T” position is that spouses can move the action from the edge of bed, to the edge of a table, a counter or other flat surface.  “T” time anyone?


Laid Back

It is funny how just a slight twist can make a position feel so different.

One of the most successful positions for a woman to experience an orgasm during intercourse without any extra stimulation is Coital Alignment Technique, or CAT. I wrote about it in a post titled Positions and Movements, so here is an excerpt from that article.

CAT is really just a variation of missionary position.The man enters and then shifts his body up towards his wife’s head so that his shaft is actually wrapped over her vulva and across her clitoris. Instead of elevating his body with his arms, he lowers his body just enough so that he does not put too much weight on her. The motion is not a thrusting in and out of the penis, but a rocking up and down. You will need to play around to figure out what works well, so direct his movement by placing your hands on his butt or hips… Women that orgasm easier with their legs together can, one at leg at a time, shift their legs to the inside of their husbands. Some women enjoy the feeling of being fully pinned against the bed by not using a pillow under their head.

The small twist of a husband sliding the pillow out from under her head changes everything. It tilts her head back to more of an attitude of surrender. The mattress provides firm support as her husbands body gently sandwiches her. No longer able to see anything other than her husbands face, eyes lock eyes. Rocking becomes a sensual interchange of connection and disconnection.  As husband and wife focus  on where their bodies become one, pelvis’s engage and urge for more.



Intimacy and Sex as a Newlywed

Today’s guest post is by Sharelle Guyton who attended the women’s Awaken-Love study earlier this year. Sharelle shared thoughtful insights during the study and we are excited for you to read her thoughts about being a newlywed.

As a newlywed, I felt myself sort of fumbling through the principle of frequency. We are instructed to model intimacy with our husbands based on our intimacy with God. This includes our frequency of intimacy. But while single, the goal is to stray away from acting on your desires. When those two experiences collide, it feels a little confusing at first.

My husband and I are both finding that we are going through an adjustment period as it relates to frequency. I think the best way to think about sex as a newlywed is with an open mind and heart. Making a clean slate to rebuild and redefine sex based on the Word of God and the unique interaction of you and your husband. I pondered on what could be a practical method of improving this area of our intimacy.

Here the quick tips that I recently incorporated into my marriage to heighten frequency awareness.

First, Reminding myself of the importance of frequency because it models my intimate relationship with God. For example, the days I miss my prayer and study time, I am not as clear and grounded. I also feel less connected and more distracted by the world.

Second, I track the days my husband and I are intimate. For some wives this might seem like an annoyance or anxiety provoking. For me, it is an opportunity to see the truth.

Why did I start doing this?

We couldn’t remember when we were having sex but we wanted to know how often it was happening in a month. I figured the best way to get to the bottom of this mystery was document it.

By tracking the dates on my feminine phone app calendar (Pink Pad), what I realized is that we were  having sex way more often we realized! Two to three times a week but why did it feel like it was only happening twice a month!

Here’s what I learned by tracking our intimacy.

On average, how long it takes before we start feeling disconnected from one another without sex is much shorter than we assumed. Also, tracking keeps us accountable in prioritizing sex. I am also naturally a very competitive person and that works in my favor sometimes when I look at the calendar and want to increase frequency from the previous week!

If you find yourself forgetting the last time you were intimate with your husband or not sure how often sex is happening, try tracking it and see if it surprises you.

Happy Exploring!

-Sharelle Guyton

Wrapped Up

I have to be honest, this is not a position that I ever ask for – not because I don’t like it – but because I am too worn out to ask.  It is a position that my husband takes me when I am tired and over loaded – and he just wants to wrap me up and love me. In fact, usually when my husband wants to take me there, he has to insist on it. With his steady words and strong arms he has to convince me that he really does want to do this, and that it is ok for me to sit back and just relax. (If you haven’t figured it out yet, I have a really great husband.)

between-legsTo get into this position, the husband should pile up some pillows against the headboard of the bed. He can then sit with his back against the pillows, fairly upright with his legs spread apart. He can gently guide his wife to sit between his legs with her back resting against his chest. The wife’s body will need to be tucked in close so that his hands can reach all the way to her thighs. He can wrap his arms around her to gently stroke and warm up her body. He can nuzzle his face against her hair and neck to smell her. He can gently run his fingers up and down her arms, around her breasts and down her sides to her thighs. Eventually one of his hands can rest on her mound as he leisurely strolls his fingers through her garden. He can spend time just feeling her clitoris through stillness and slow movements as he warms her up. As her body begins to relax, she can let her head rest along one of his shoulders. The closeness and security of this position can lead to a different kind of experience that may be much less physical and seeking, but much more relaxing, surrendering and just letting it come. As she experiences pleasure, she can feel her body melt into her husbands and breathe deeply to let out the last ounce of tension. She can let her head drop back, or turn and find his lips as her husband tenderly loves her.

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How the Awaken-Love Class Opened My Eyes to Sex God’s Way

Today’s guest post is by Sharelle Guyton who attended the women’s Awaken-Love study earlier this year. Sharelle shared thoughtful insights during the study and we are excited for you to hear some of her thoughts here as well.

My husband and I were no strangers to sex when we got married. This area of sin is something we struggled with individually before we met and exacerbated over the course of our dating relationship. During the last two years of dating, we got serious about being more obedient to God’s Word, which meant no sex or sexual activity until we got married. We were not perfect at this, but still never stopped trying.

After we got engaged, we were very curious about what sex would be like after marriage, when it was no longer  a sin. We had a very short 6-month engagement and a small intimate wedding. As we were aiming to be more like Christ, we decided that was the best way to stay focused on Him and follow through with our commitment to sexual purity.

I was blessed to be able to take the Awaken-Love class after only three months of marriage. The results of applying the insight and wisdom from the course have far exceeded my expectations and imagination!

Thinking in hindsight about the years we both struggled to defeat sexual sin, the wisdom from the course was clear how interconnected it was to our disobedience to the will of God. As I learned about using intimacy with God as a model of intimacy with my husband, it was evident I was off target with my intimacy with God as a single woman. In the same way God is a model for my sexuality married, He was also a model for my sexuality single.

What struck me about the course is that the Word of God directly informs everything we need to know about having a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship with our husbands. The freedom that comes with the gift of understanding the goodness of God’s intention and purposes for sex are powerful.

My husband and I have experienced such healing from our past sexual sin because we know the truth of our identity in Christ. The opportunity to begin our sexual journey as a married couple with the foundation and principles of this class is something that we will use throughout the entire course of our marriage. We cannot thank you enough.

-Sharelle Guyton