Today’s guest post is by Sharelle Guyton who attended the women’s Awaken-Love study earlier this year. Sharelle shared thoughtful insights during the study and we are excited for you to read her thoughts about being a newlywed.
As a newlywed, I felt myself sort of fumbling through the principle of frequency. We are instructed to model intimacy with our husbands based on our intimacy with God. This includes our frequency of intimacy. But while single, the goal is to stray away from acting on your desires. When those two experiences collide, it feels a little confusing at first.
My husband and I are both finding that we are going through an adjustment period as it relates to frequency. I think the best way to think about sex as a newlywed is with an open mind and heart. Making a clean slate to rebuild and redefine sex based on the Word of God and the unique interaction of you and your husband. I pondered on what could be a practical method of improving this area of our intimacy.
Here the quick tips that I recently incorporated into my marriage to heighten frequency awareness.
First, Reminding myself of the importance of frequency because it models my intimate relationship with God. For example, the days I miss my prayer and study time, I am not as clear and grounded. I also feel less connected and more distracted by the world.
Second, I track the days my husband and I are intimate. For some wives this might seem like an annoyance or anxiety provoking. For me, it is an opportunity to see the truth.
Why did I start doing this?
We couldn’t remember when we were having sex but we wanted to know how often it was happening in a month. I figured the best way to get to the bottom of this mystery was document it.
By tracking the dates on my feminine phone app calendar (Pink Pad), what I realized is that we were having sex way more often we realized! Two to three times a week but why did it feel like it was only happening twice a month!
Here’s what I learned by tracking our intimacy.
On average, how long it takes before we start feeling disconnected from one another without sex is much shorter than we assumed. Also, tracking keeps us accountable in prioritizing sex. I am also naturally a very competitive person and that works in my favor sometimes when I look at the calendar and want to increase frequency from the previous week!
If you find yourself forgetting the last time you were intimate with your husband or not sure how often sex is happening, try tracking it and see if it surprises you.