RR Safe Place

The last few years I have realized how bad a job I have done at creating a safe place for my husband to share. I was reminded the other day when I slipped back into my old pattern of reading way to much into my husband’s comments.

I have this amazing husband that loves to teach Sunday School to young kids. After class on Saturday night, as we were walking out to the car, he said, ” You know, I could teach Sunday school every week.” My immediate reaction was, “Don’t you ever want to sit with me during church?”

My poor husband found himself back pedaling trying to explain that of course he liked sitting with me in church. All he was really trying to say was that he loves teaching kids. But through my filter of insecurity, I immediately questioned whether he loved me.

I am embarrassed to say that just a few years ago, because I was often overly sensitive to my husband’s comments, he essentially stopped talking to me. (more…)


Greeting Your Spouse

melanie-sq-webA visual representation of God’s love for me is a mental picture of His reaction whenever I come to Him.  He smiles and reaches to embrace me.  His greeting is the essence of warmth. No matter the circumstances or where I am emotionally, His unconditional acceptance and delight in my presence is evident. When I think about His loving response, I want to run to Him. I want to share my hopes, celebrate the joys of life, be shielded from my fears, be comforted in my sorrows and just be with Him.  What a welcome place of love My Savior is for me! For anyone who desires Him.

When I take that thought and mesh it with the truth that my marriage relationship is a reflection of my relationship with Christ, then I see a whole new application.  I think husbands and wives are supposed to be an unconditional place of love and acceptance for one another as well.  We are supposed to be each other’s safe place to escape the world and be reminded that we are always loved and delighted in regardless of the events of the day. I think we can convey and reaffirm that truth in a matter of seconds in the way that we greet one another. How would marriages change if husbands and wives intentionally greeted one another in a manner that conveys that they are each other’s great treasure?  Each of us would be built up regularly. Our positive perspective toward one another would be reinforced regardless of life’s circumstances. We would become interruptable, stopping to meaningfully greet one another whether we were in the midst of changing a diaper, carrying in the groceries or running off to work. I think our tanks would be overflowing.  Our kids would notice and feel secured (and possibly embarrassed, but that’s ok).  People would wonder what was going on.

I told my husband that I feel adored when he smiles and embraces me.  I thought it was important for him to know what small effort makes a huge impact on me. Ya know what? Whenever he leave our home, comes home from work, comes in from mowing the yard, or whoever, he makes an effort to find me, smile and embrace me. We momentarily disconnect from the world and reaffirm our love toward one another. It’s a moment of peace, safety and knowing that we are exactly where we belong – together.  Before I can even tell him what happened with the kids or ask him how his day went, we spend a few seconds melting into one and reminding ourselves what a blessing our marriage is. It doesn’t take long, but it speaks volumes. Our perspectives are recalibrated.  Warm feelings are allowed to grow. When we are apart, I remember our greetings and think about how much I love my husband. It’s so simple, yet it impacts everything.

Greeting our spouse is so important that we include a daily 15 second kiss or embrace as one of the homework assignments for the women in our Awaken-Love study. They often comment that they continue to do it even after the class ends because of the wonderful impact it has on their relationship with their husband.

How can you greet your spouse to show them that they are adored and delighted in?  Find out and incorporate it into your day. Let’s bring divine love into our mundane and experience flourishing marriages.

Keep me as the apple of your eye – Psalm 17:8

In the Middle

Here we are in the middle of Christmas and New Year’s.

…in the middle of figuring out exactly where to put our new gifts.

…in the middle of debating whether to eat that cookie.  (The answer is yes!)

…in the middle of visiting family and friends that we don’t get to see often enough.

…in the middle of squeezing one more bundle of wrapping paper into the recycling bin.

It’s a festive time of year that takes us outside of our normal routines and creates many wonderful memory-making opportunities.

In the middle of it all, let’s take some time to remind our spouse that they are our favorite.  Steal them away into a bathroom or closet for a couple of minutes for a quick make-out session.  Invite them outside to sit alone with you while you share something that you appreciate about them or celebrate just how far your marriage has come this year.  Surprise them by initiating while visiting parents are sleeping down the hall.  Volunteer to run an errand together and take some time to make googly eyes in the car while you are out. Gather a simple breakfast that you can share in bed before you start your day. Do something together.  It’s ok to leave the visiting family for a short bit while you focus on one another.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the busyness of the holidays. There’s a lot of great stuff going on! Make sure you and your spouse remain connected in the middle of it all.



Ruth BuezisSong of Songs 5:9


How is your beloved better than others,
    most beautiful of women?
How is your beloved better than others,
    that you so charge us?

Do your brag about your husband? Do you brag when he helps a friend move, when you wish he had stayed home with you? Do you brag when he takes you out on a date, even though it might not have been exactly what you had in mind? Do you brag about how he plays with the kids even when the toys may not get cleaned up afterward? We need to catch what our husbands do right. What they haven’t quite mastered does not negate all that they do right. They are a work in process just like we are. If a wife were to ask me how to influence her husband to grow, I would say there is no better way than to Encourage, Encourage, Encourage. Brag on your husband!!!

This Week – 

  1. Catch your husband in what he does right and affirm he in that without mentioning in the slightest bit what else you would like.
  2. Brag on your husband to someone else in front of him.
  3. Write your husband a note telling him at least 10 things that he does that makes you feel loved.

LIVE THE SONG – Yeah!! Marriage!!

Song of Songs 1;1-4


Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    for your love is more delightful than wine.
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
    your name is like perfume poured out.
    No wonder the young women love you!
Take me away with you—let us hurry!
    Let the king bring me into his chambers.


We rejoice and delight in you[b];
    we will praise your love more than wine.

I like to think of the “Friends” in Song of Songs as cheer leaders encouraging them from the sidelines, saying, ” don’t give up, it is so worth it.”

Marriage is hard – intimacy is hard – yet God wants it to be so good.



Song of Songs 1 :3-4


Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
    your name is like perfume poured out.
    No wonder the young women love you!
Take me away with you—let us hurry!
    Let the king bring me into his chambers.


Your name is “like perfume poured out.”



I had an interesting conversation the other day.

I was talking to one of my husbands friends about possibly attending my class for the men and he said,’If everything works, why do I need to worry about learning something new?”  I was a little shocked, because I always figure just the opposite, ” there is always something new to learn.”

Now to be fair, this is probably  the typical answer for most men. It comes from the foundational truth that most men cling to, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

473739183_5c99733c4bWhat men may not realize, is that women are like this complicated stereo component. You can either listen to it, with all the knobs randomly set to the neutral position, and have adequate sound. Or you can learn what all the knobs actually  do, and dial them into each song for the ultimate music.


The Dance

“We danced last night”, were the first words that she whispered to her husband as she awoke.

In a way, it had seemed like a dream.

The movement of bodies, not in unison, but in symphony. Not one doing the other, but oneness.

In Genesis 2:24 it says “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

What if “become” is not a one time thing, but a lifetime thing. What if “become one flesh” is not just what happens when we get married or every time we have sex. What if “become one flesh” is this endless journey of being made into one by God.


Take me somewhere…

path_through_the_forest_by_darkphoenix36-d4xs0e1Let me say up front, I have not read the book “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

I have read enough about the book to get the general idea of the plot and the characters, and I have a theory about why women are so attracted to its pages.

We want our husbands to lead.  We want them to lead in bed, and sometimes we even want them to lead strongly.

Not in the twisted way that this character from “Fifty Shades of Grey” does, but with a selfless love of a husband that knows his wife.

We want our husbands tuned into our needs and our bodies so they know exactly what we want… maybe even before we know. We want them to hold us with a gentle firmness that says “I’ve got you.” We want them to explore us with the attention that they are utterly enthralled by our bodies, even when we feel insecure. We want them to take us down a path so confidently, that we can trust them, and stop worrying whether or not we will respond.  We want our husbands to lead.

The problem is…. we are awful at letting our husbands lead.