Heart to Heart

heart2heartHaving a great sex life requires intention. It doesn’t just happen. We should take great care to get to bed early sometimes so that we have time and energy remaining for an intimate encounter. We would also do well to hold loosely to our expectations for that encounter so that we are open to the blessing of unexpected detours that take us on a different journey of connecting.

Lying in bed, skin to skin and eye to eye, talking to our spouse can be an incredibly intimate experience. Yes, talking! Diving into the depths of being known spiritually and emotionally prepares the waters for us to dive deeper physically. Consider giving your spouse the gift of you by taking a detour and initiating a conversation that stretches you.  Sharing our inner thoughts doesn’t come naturally for most of us, but it connects us in undeniable ways.

We can share where we really are – with respect to our work, parenting, or with God. We can vulnerably share our growth points, our doubts, and our fears. We can courageously share those things that our heart longs to speak and yet shies away in fear, how we see struggles drawing us closer to God and each other, and our hurts that sting every time they cross our mind. When we share how God speaks to us and the things that He has recently shown us – giving our spouse not only the opportunity to know us more deeply, but the opportunity to encourage our growth and affirm the new fruit in our life.  We can share stories of divine encounters – with people, Scripture, creation or a song – that have touched us so deeply that we can’t retell them without tears of joy. We can share stories that lead to whole body laughs.  As we lay there physically naked, eyes locked, we are undressing our innermost being.

An intimate conversation with our spouse refreshes us. It builds security and trust. It leaves us feeling sturdy as we are reminded that we are always loved and accepted. Time seemingly stops as we dive into thoughts and connections that were prepared for that very moment. Heart to heart conversations produce a stillness in us as we feel grounded and glued to our spouse. Once we push past the fear of revealing our self, and choose to ignore the warning sirens of being too vulnerable, there is undeniable peace.  Being fully known by our spouse is the safest place we can be because we are living out God’s design within marriage.  This security then allows us to share our body with new confidence.

Capstone the heart to heart experience with becoming physically one and then drifting to sleep satisfied that you connected to your spouse with all of your being. I think this is the depth of knowing that God intended for marriage even before the fall.  Let’s reclaim His perfect delights. Ultimately, sex is more about the alignment of our hearts than our bodies.

How has knowing your spouse more emotionally and spiritually drawn you to knowing them more physically?


The Pleasure of Words

whisper-earSometimes, more than touch, I need my husband to take me someplace using his words. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because it helps me get out of my own head, but words can be powerfully erotic and can immediately take me to another place. Words can turn vanilla sex into steaming hot sex, even though we are in the same bed, wearing the same outfit and doing the same things. Words can transport me in a way that touch cannot. Words can communicate a presence and a connectedness beyond the physical to your mind and soul.

Words are powerful, just look at how women devour erotic novels. Wives would rather read about sex than actually enjoy it. Chat rooms are filled with people that would rather seduce each other anonymously than communicate to their spouse about what turns them on. We can easily fall into twisting the power of words to avoid the hard work of developing intimacy with our spouse.


The Power of Words

power-of-words1I’ve had an interesting week as I have prepared for my women’s class “How to drive your man crazy”. Many of you know that one of my favorite books on sexual techniques is She Comes First by Ian Kerner.  It is literally a mans detailed guide to pleasuring his wife with his mouth. The book lays out some very general principals that all men should adhere to and then a myriad of different possibilities and techniques to tickle the fancy. My husbands input was that” this was entirely too many words to read” and so I set about condensing the book down to an outline that I use to enlighten the men during their class. It takes them from creating anticipation for the first kiss, to setting up rhythms, to developing tension, to the finish line.

My goal for this women’s class? To come up with an outline of how to “drive your man crazy” with your mouth. Now every man  is different, and really it is about connecting with and getting to know our husband better. But there must be some general principles and techniques that we could use to really wow our husbands and maybe even take them to a place they might not have imagined. So I sat down with my laptop and came up with a list of principles that can guide us. Next I attempted to put words to places that a wife could take her husband, from the warm up and first kiss, to a list of core-play ideas, and finally to the finish line. It ending up being a lot of fun to think about what a wife could do,  put it to words, and then read it to my husband.

I think there is something to this” putting it to words” concept. It allows us to be intimate with our spouse in a completely different way. Couples that are separated for long periods of time learn how to be intimate through written words. If you allow yourself to try this, you may see a completely different side to your husband, and he may see a very different side of you. You might even learn something new about your self along the way

So your mission this week, is to dare to sit down and write a detailed description, play by play of either something that you would like to do to your husband, or that you would like him to do to you. Set up a romantic time to read it to him and enjoy.